Baby Steps

It's slow going. I'm not a very patient person so 'slow-going' is hard for me. I want to be healed NOW!

I have to keep reminding myself that we ARE moving forward. We ARE going in the right direction. Maybe it's not going as fast as I want it to - but the progress isn't stagnant and it's not going backwards. Maybe this is good for me. I probably need to learn the value of persistence and patience.

There's been a lot in the local and national media about the priest abuse scandal. I'm not sure how ANYBODY can heal if the media keeps dredging up past mistakes on the part of the Church. YES - mistakes were made. YES - they were GRAVE mistakes and many innocent people have suffered. But most of those mistakes were made DECADES ago. Looking at how Church officials handled cases of sexual abuse so many years ago through the eyes of what we NOW know about pedophilia isn't productive. And to keep beating it in the ground is counter productive. The pope has apologized. The bishops have apologized. They have put policies and safeguards in place to keep it from happening again. There's nothing more they can do. They can't change the past. It's time to move on. It's time to heal. And we can't heal if we can't forgive. It's as simple as that. I'm sorry!

Just once

Just once...I would like to have a 'feeling' or an 'instinct' and just go with it. Just once....I would like to KNOW instinctively that it's okay to feel a certain way. Just once.... I'd like to feel angry - and know I have a RIGHT to be angry.
Or - feel guilty - and know I SHOULD feel guilty.

Just once..... I'd like to know what it's like to trust myself.

Just once.

Moving forward

My husband is the BEST. He really is.

Recently he started going to counseling with me. He'd rather take a beating than go to counseling. Actually, he'd rather take a beating than to just TALK about his feelings - with ME or anybody. But he goes. For ME, he goes. And he's working really hard at it. He's taking it seriously.

I am relearning touch. We're taking it very slow. It's a start. And we're moving forward.

God has blessed me with my husband. And - God is PLEASED with him. The LOVE we experience is a rarity these days. I am blessed to be a part of it.